Ambitious men dating
They can perceive successful women as a threat to their career goals.
Or a man’s subconscious might tell him he can’t handle dating today’s super-capable, financially independent girl boss, says David Buss, Ph D, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin.
Others, though, tone down their ambition — or even drop goals altogether — in order to attract or keep a guy around.
As Yi S., 31, a finance professional, learned the hard way, the latter can lead to bigger problems down the line.
He can’t just rely on the fact that he’s pulling in a paycheck to keep her around.” Some single women faced with this situation keep on with their bad selves, refusing to settle for a BF who can’t appreciate their accomplishments.
“Observe whether he has specific curiosity or feedback about your work,” says Walsh.
“If he’s genuinely interested, his enthusiasm will be obvious.” A red flag: “If he doesn’t respond or just gives you platitudes.” But don’t dismiss him simply because he shows that he’d like to provide for you in small ways, such as paying for the date or making dinner.
So, what: You have to choose between your goals and a BF? Although guys’ attraction to girl power is more layered than you think, it is possible to find a partner who will support you. That same survey found that 87 percent of men say they’d be with a woman who made more than they did and nearly 90 percent wouldn’t mind if she were more educated. Jesse B., 33, a digital strategist, has been there.
He is supportive of his female friends’ dreams and sees himself settling down with a career type someday. “It’s intimidating when a woman is beautiful and successful and has her shit together,” he says. What I want in my head and what I go for are not usually aligned.” For Jesse and guys like him, in-the-moment feelings of emasculation are overriding their stated dating preferences, says psychologist Lora Park, Ph D, lead researcher of that University at Buffalo study.