Invalidating your people on online dating

Many of the struggling marriages I’ve worked with have exhibited one or more of these negative behavior patterns.Absolutely crucial, I believe, to the success of any marriage is for couples to minimize the occurrence these four negative behavior patterns from their relationships.A partnership is dependent on give and take and treating each other as equals.When you don't treat your partner with respect and don't openly communicate with them it means you're not in a healthy relationship.

” —————————————————– “I don’t like it when you tease me like that.” “I’m only kidding.The message conveyed is that your feelings don’t matter.A husband may put his wife down because she is more emotional or because she is more easily hurt by comments.A wife may invalidate a husband’s desire to succeed in his career, saying that it really doesn’t matter if he gets promoted to a manager position .Or a husband may invalidate a wife’s fears about the children’s safety.In a previous article, we looked at the first of these four patterns- It’s one of the most serious communication mistakes spouses can make in their marriage, in how they respond to each other.Invalidation is a pattern in which one (or both) spouse(s) either directly, or indirectly puts down, or questions the feelings of the other.An overt, caustic remark may even convey a sense of contempt of one partner for another.Sarcastic phrases like “Well, I’m sorry I’m not perfect like you” or “I forgot how lucky I am to be married to you” can cut like a knife.So crucial, I believe, that in our Marriage Renewal Retreats, we spend an entire session and several exercises on training couples in this vital skill of “empathic responding.” One question that inevitably arises is, “How can I empathize with my spouse when I don’t agree with her?” My answer is that validating your spouse doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with your spouse with regards to his or her perceptions and feelings.

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